Adelina Tërshani (Kosovo, 1997) is a poet, an actor, a slam poetry performer and a feminist activist, fighting agains patriarchical structures, working for Kosovo’s Women’s Network. Adelina Tërshani is known for her critical and feminist spirit in her writings, cutting down constructs and social morality. Criticism about patriarchal mentality is the general theme of her writings. Additionally, Adelina Tërshani is also involved in acting. She has played major roles in several productions by the group Lipjan’s Youth Theater.
The old house that expels you
A house is not just a block of concrete
That house where you have counted every brick
Isn’t yours even when you reach the tenth
The house where you have counted every brick
is not yours just because you know how many steps lead to the second floor
The house where you have already counted every brick
and where you marked the date of your first periods with blood,
Does not remember that you also counted its roof tiles
The house, where you have counted every brick
Is not necessarily your house
because the master of the house
ensures you are emotionally and materially separate
The house where you have counted every brick
Does not remember that your first steps were in its foundations
The house where you have counted every brick
Does not remember an old lamp spattering
your best clothes for the first day of school
The house where you have counted every brick
Does not remember even the sound of the slaps you received inside its walls
because it has grown familiar
with every generation of women raised in that house
being subjugated
unwilling to put their name to that house
“All the women before you,” it says, “counted my bricks before they went to slowly prepare supper for the husband who had just beaten them. Not one of them wanted to make these bricks their own.”
Thus, the house “surrendered,”
although its bricks hold everyone’s stories, the great-grandmother, grandmother, mother, sister
Oh, the house where you have counted every brick
has decided to demolish itself
so as not to see itself any longer the property of men who do not know its value
The house or home
It is fighting with whatever is at hand
and you, what are you waiting for woman?
What to say to the little sister who is being chased by a car with tinted windows?
Oh, with what hope she addresses me
starts telling me that she is going to school, but does not want to go
Adelina, a car with tinted windows is following me from school to the station.
What should I do?
Twice I joined some strangers to walk with them to the bus station
because you know that I usually walk alone
and perhaps the person following me knows too.
What should I do, Adelina?
My heart pounds
when I see the car matching my pace.
I’m so scared, Adelina!
Now it’s getting darker earlier
And I’m even more scared of the dark
what if I end up in that car and no one can see me from outside
because of the tinted windows.
I just want to go to school, Adelina.
I’ve heard the girls at school also talk about a car with tinted windows
Maybe I’m not the only one it follows.
Should we all get together and call the police, Adelina?
What could he want?
Why should I get inside the mind of a man whose face I do not know?
Is it really a solution to call the police, Adelina?
Will they delay before coming?
And if he realizes that I’ve called them
next time who knows what he’ll do.
I just want to go to school without being scared, Adelina!
And I’m scared that next time
My sister will call me by name, since she has experienced
all scenarios possible in my head
And I’m scared that next time
my little sister
will not call.
Adelina.
Counter argument
One cannot say “kill me” to a creature that asks no permission to kill
they cannot speak from the grave if you have not begged for permission to be their voice
one cannot describe each bullet, iron bar, or knife that has taken the lives of women
and justify it!
One cannot say “kill me” to a creature that asks no permission to kill
Nothing will stop them, not spitting in their face
Nor curses
Or loud screams
If you do not describe the pipe that split Sabile’s skull
and again “kill me” they say
because one cannot say “kill me” to a creature that asks no permission to kill
she will not join your call
she listens, as her husband prepares her for hospital
Oh, one cannot say “kill me” to a creature that asks no permission to kill
those who have endured “just another slap” will never respond to your call
as there is no call to surrender
one cannot say “kill me” to a creature that asks no permission to kill
the woman in pain who listens, expects to hear how to survive
not to surrender
because one cannot say “kill me” to a creature that asks no permission to kill.
To be in their shoes
You never expected either to be advised to give up
it would have sounded pathetic to me
even in the midst of great pain
You’ve heard me say, “kill me”,
I should say that to my husband who wants to kill me
But one cannot say “kill me” to a creature that asks no permission to kill.
Patriarchal trauma
– How many children are there in the family?
– Four.
– Girls or boys?
– Girls.
– May the lord bless you with a brother.
– How many children are there in the family?
– Four.
– Girls or boys?
– Girls.
– May the lord bless you with a brother.
– How many children are there in the family?
– Four.
– Girls or boys?
– Girls.
– May the lord bless you with a brother.
– How many children are there in the family?
– Four.
– Girls or boys?
– Girls.
– May the lord bless you with a brother.
– How many children are there in the family?
– Four.
– Girls or boys?
– Girls.
– May the lord bless you with a brother.
– How many children are there in the family?
– Four.
– Girls or boys?
– Girls.
– May the lord bless you with a brother.
– How many children are there in the family?
– Four.
– Girls or boys?
– Girls.
– May the lord bless you with a brother.
– How many children are there in the family?
– Four.
– Girls or boys?
– Girls.
– May the lord bless you with a brother.
– How many children are there in the family?
– Four.
– Girls or boys?
– Girls.
– God willing, your mother will bless you with a brother.
– How many children are there in the family?
– Four.
– Girls or boys?
– Girls.
– God willing your mother will give you a brother.
– God willing your mother will give you a brother.
– God willing your mother will give you a brother.
– God willing your mother will give you a brother.
– A brother.
– A brother.
– A brother.
– Brother.
– Brother.
– Brother.
– Brother.….
– All those aunts, uncles, cousins, uncles, mother’s uncles, father’s uncles, uncles of uncles of uncles, and those unknown women on the bus, and my parents, they were not forced to want this brother.
– How can they make you feel like “nothing” just because you have no brother.
– As if your brain has been rinsed clear
Whether you are man or woman.
– How can they slice things apart with a knife?
– It brings back past traumas those balloons when they burst
“It’s a boyyyyy”
– And the father, when he sees blue,
his eyes sparkle
and the woman rejoices too
as they will no longer bother her
They rejoice too in the father’s home where they take him
and for the wretched at home who can’t do it
they’re manhandled by the imam and the doctor
they never check the man’s health
because his magic juice cannot be questioned
– I weep for that woman’s problems
because those of you in power, easily make your own luck
how to make her realize
that she is not on this earth just to procreate
how to explain
that it’s not worth worrying about, even for a second
having children
– Come on you!
why are you so sure the boy will grow up to be a man or woman?!
perhaps the boy may wish to marry a man?
one more man to join the household
For sure shots would be fired then!
But not because you are celebrating!
But because all your plans had collapsed before you
Because your inheritance,
cannot be given to a woman!
Patriarchal Logic
To avoid the chairs that might leave me dead in the middle of class
Just like Rita, I remain in silence, instead of saying that I like girls, and not boys
So that I don’t lose the opportunity to get a job at the store, I even added a photo of me on my CV.
“Applications without photos will not even be consider by our staff” – was the answer I got when I wanted to do the opposite.
So, are my looks important, or what I can do?!
“Before I give you the job, I have to see what you can do best” he says, while looking all over my body as though I were a picture to be looked at for entertainment.
Acting like he did not specify the type of work in the job announcement.
Oh yes, I know very well how to do the thing that is going through your mind,
but the thing is that you are not my type.
To make sure that he won’t waste 12 months of work from maternity leave,
he gives me a pregnancy test instead of the job contract.
He doesn’t know that now, both parents are entitled to parental leave, the difference is that men don’t have to go through the test.
Now, is the length of my pregnancy important, or how much job experience I have?I
“My wife doesn’t work, she is a housewife”- he says, forgetting that when he gets home his dinner is served,
his bed made,
his children safe,
his house clean,
his clothes washed…
unpaid work done by women
but he’s not to blame:
Patriarchal Logic!
“Women should take care of children, they are the moms”
what about you being their Dad,
are you still afraid that you’ll lose your manhood if you take care of your own child?!
It’s not his fault:
Patriarchal Logic
“She gave it to her boss”
Before you see whether my knees are red,
you must know:
you can’t read the number of the books I’ve read or the name of the best university from which I graduated, and if you still think that is the way women succeed
I’m sorry, but you’ll get your knees dirty needlessly
it’s not your fault either:
Patriarchal Logic
Weak logic!
That kept you primitive!
Otherwise you would stop seeing me as a “deity”
because “deities” are supposed to be infallible
I fail
I work
I scream
I claim my inheritance
I speak without your permission
Because I am a HUMAN BEING
————–
I hate them giggling
I hate them giggling
when they approach you
and giggle with each other after you leave
I hate them giggling
when they sexually harass you
and giggle with each other after you leave
I hate them giggling
when they tell you, you’re pretty
and giggle with each other about how that is not the truth
I hate them giggling
when they ask the waiter to join them
just because she is a girl
and giggle with each other after she leaves
I hate them giggling
because it reminds me of bullying
they have a pattern
they all do it the same way
I hate them giggling
Translated by Alexandra Channer